as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
I just put a tampon in while driving. Don't tell me I don't got skills.
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
she wouldn't play beer pong with me unless I took off the rollerskates.
So it's always a good weekend when you don't get any sleep, try opening a bottle of wine on rocks, and end up needing a tetanus booster for our stupidity... Same thing next weekend?
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
we got kicked out of her coke dealer's house when we wouldn't stop quoting "a league of their own"
communist
This dude is trying to sext and all I can think about is taco bell and their new crunch wrap sliders
She just kept roaring and saying Katy Perry had nothing on her. Wtf did she take?
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
we bonded over knowing every word to freaky gurl by gucci mane so it’s kinda starting to make sense why I gave him head in his cul de sac
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