well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
she kept yelling 'call me bella'
My cleaning lady just walked in the kitchen and i had a hardcore boner. I dont know what awkward is anymore
Her divorce is going to cut into the amount of time we spend fucking.
I'm in awe of how selfish that is.
I pulled some girls weeve trying to pull the stop cord on the bus
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Wake up. We're going shopping for booze and samurai swords.
Drank for free all night and I'm not even sleeping w the bartender. What is this magic?
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
I mean we all knew i was gonna get arrested eventually but shoplifting is lame so dont tell anyone. Well just let them assume public nudity or something
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
remember when we said that thing when we met about how we were each glad we weren’t furries
ok listen,
don't take offense to this but at the strip club tonight I legit believed one girl was you. almost hopped on stage and freaked out at you. you're a beauty.
Randomize
