Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
Omg. Never. Take a laxative the day you are going on. A date.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
she peed. on the sidewalk. it is 2 pm. Help.
He has a tattoo of a carebear. This is not happening.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Atlanta road trip update. Jimmy fell into the petting tank at the aquarium. And freaked out. With cops now... Keep you posted
My roommate definitely just walked in on me playing the piano naked.
By piano you mean.....
Like literally a piano.
Ohhhh that's kind of embarrassing.
Make a note to pack something that won't catch shell casings in your cleavage
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
Randomize
