he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
Just saw the new iPhone. I would totally let Steve Jobs and Jon Ive eiffel tower me right now.
He seriously just asked the doctor if taking the medicine for chlamydia was going to cut into his drinking time. Never let it be said that he is not dedicated.
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
Right now Tom has the 2nd floor office bathroom under siege. He shit/clogged one toilet, and he's throwing up in the sink.
Oh yeah and one of the strippers brought you chips and water when you were passes out next to the toilet. So that was nice
I am honestly trying to remember his name. All I can remember is that he had a weird mole, a daughter and a lot of cocaine. Please stop letting me pick up at gay night.
And I'm determined to make an Eiffel Tower happen sometime. I just don't know who will take the pic (first world sex problem?)
I deserve to have sex with a hot freshman ok
Would it be wrong to text my ex and say "congratulations on the new baby that you had with a stripper"?
as much bud light as i have consumed over the years budweiser should give me a clydesdale
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
HER BOYFRIEND CAME HOME WHILE WE WERE GETTING IT ON IN THE SHOWER
At least you smelled nice while he kicked your ass.
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