i hit her car. ill just send her a farmville gift in the morning. then it'll be alright.
Just saw 3 10-year olds in business suits drinking iced coffees at the cafe. I'm officially a failure if these kids have jobs and I don't.
FUCK YOU CALIFORNIA. YOU DO NOTHING RIGHT. FIRST PROP 8 AND NOW THIS.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
In complete seriousness I think I am the highest person on earth
you were yelling that somebody needed to take your bra off with such enthusiasm my first thought was that you were on fire.
Pretty sure I'm going to hell because of our friendship
Last one there wins
I need to ask my mom where the drain cleaner is, but I'm afraid she'll ask why and the answer to that will just be "cum."
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
I really have to stop having sex with people I sell drugs to...it feels unprofessional
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
I don't just want drugs. I deserve drugs.
I got arrested in a leprechaun onesie
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
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