I'm going to jail i love you
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
Ill trade u your bra for a run to the liquor store...
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
You may be in san diego, but I just watched a guy in a wheelchair sing walking in memphis for karaoke. Check and mate.
You're lucky I'm tired or I'd take a pic of me mounting a reindeer yard decoration
Some older looking guy gave me his card as he exited the train. Hes a pharmaceutical rep. I'm debating asking him for a job. Obv he wants sex but if I can get a job out of this maybe I can offer him more than a cheap dry handjob bc that's all I'm really up for these days
You did a cartwheel, it was terrible.
I remember that cartwheel, it was okay.
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
Tequila is never to blame. We all make good choices under tequila
i'm not so sure everythign we did last night was legal...
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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