Also my back is semi rug burned and I'm holding you fully responsible.
I would love to give you more rug burn
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I'm sorry but when I'm riding in the trunk on the way to mcdonalds at 6 am I just don't want to listen to reba macintire
Yep we found him face down in my sister's bathroom begging for blowjobs without mustard
New Years Resolution for 2011 : QUALITY cock. Not quantity.
Just orgasmed in canada. I should get a sticker or something that says I orgasmed in a different country.
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
Did you just reference Ludacris during my possible pregnancy scare of 2012?!
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
If dispatch calls for us tell them I'm having a significant emotional event in the restroom
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
Fun fact: nipples work on touch screens. Tell your friends :)
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