i told her that she could bring as many friends as she wanted and then she asked how many people i could fit in my bed...BEST. DAY. EVERRRR.
I woke up covered in BBQ sauce. My hand had "you win" written on it. Do I celebrate?
like the penis drawn on my face is so detailed and well done, i'm not even upset about it.
He introduced me to his parents as the girl he made out with on Thursday night...
you trust me enough to eiffel tower a girl but don't trust me with a mallet wtf happened to our friendsship
and I believe it was when I was running to class to take a test still drunk in my Halloween costume that I realized I have reached that point in the semester where I just don't give a flying fuck anymore.
This is the only time in your life where finding a half eaten lime and pair of florescent pink underwear that wasn't yours means that it was a good night
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
Also, I saved your name as Everclear last night. No idea why I did that.
There comes a point, as I lay on the floor of the work disabled toilets contemplating catching 10 minutes sleep between chunders, that I wonder if its really worth it
I like her because we want the same things out of life AND she actually wants to have sex with me.
If blow jobs were a super power she'd be in the Justice League.
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
Randomize
