We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
guess what. just found out I had mono. no wonder alcohol didn't taste good on nye
It honestly took me longer to beat Ninja Turtles: Turtles in Time, than it did to have sex with her the first time we met.
His foreplay reminded me too much of breastfeeding.
this must be what syphilis tastes like
Tried to dodge fire in poncho. Fell through fence. Blood everywhere.
You know in a few years she's gonna look like her mom. So if you're gonna hit that you better do it while she still looks like somebody else.
I think I'm a wingman for every guy who bangs a girl I scarred in highschool.
It's funny that when I fall down as an adult I'm so much happier no one saw than that I'm not seriously hurt.
I'm 2 beers deep on an empty stomach, and I just wanna say, I pride myself on my use of commas
almost just sent your mom a dick pic. almost.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Something tells me tonight will end with me wearing my pants on my head again.
I mean she did throw a tantrum because you wouldn't let her suck your dick
Dude why can't I remember anything after walking in from my first beer bong?
It was immediately followed by your second, third, fourth and fifth
Randomize
