so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
she's doing push ups on the keg. hows a girl supposed to compete with that?
The girl sitting next to me in class is writing her to-do list under the title 11/31.
I think I might.. possibly.. like a Justin Bieber song.
I think you might... possibly... have sprouted a vagina.
he left me a note this morning. it said "thank you for letting me touch you"
does it still count as break up sex if it's 4 months later? sorry i'm just looking for an excuse to fuck him.
tell your freshman friends. will trade sexual favors for swipes. ive got dinner tomorrow open and lunch on wed
After they flagged you, you hid in a bathroom stall and text me to bring you more shots. That kind of drunk.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
" my drug dealer just stopped by and did an elmo impression for my 2 year old nephew."
Just watched a middle age white woman scream WHY DON'T YOU GO FUCK YOURSELF, HELEN?! Helen seemed absolutely scandalized.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
finals do horrible things to a person. i haven't worn pants since friday
Nothing much. Just taking shots of tequila before I go get a bikkini wax. You?
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