You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
it was 5AM and you were field goal kicking solo cups into the sink
So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
she was puking into the toilet drowning herself saying "its okay im a swimmer"
apparently he's bringing me two things i like. he said one was him and i'm assuming the other one is his penis
He wore a Medeval Times crown while I gave him a BJ
my dad just asked me if my booty call guy that comes over at 3am and leaves at 6 would like to stay for sunday brunch next week. you in?
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
I thought we agreed to no sexting at the school bake sale...
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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