quit re-tweeting John McCain's tweets
Hey, remember that girl at rocklobster you thought was hot but were to pussy to talk to? You were right, her boobs are fake and she gives the best head on the planet. Can you come pick me up?
You're dead to me.
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
Her birthday cake consisted of a shot of tequila with a candle in it
so jimmy johns showed up at our party last night. our house is sponsored now. living the dream.
You seriously looked at the house acorss the street and implied that you thought they had nice Easters.
You threw a hot dog at his face...I wouldn't call you either.
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
I only had sex with him so I could try to steal his roommate's cat, what kind of girl do you think I am?
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Just got high and apologized to my vagina for getting chlamydia
She put a shot in my mouth and then hit me with a pillow..
falling asleep on a hardwood floor changes a person
I know I'm drunk but why am I receiving this handjob through the pant leg of my shorts..?
Randomize
