idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
While sitting in bed naked eating ramen and watching the colbert report I realize why random sex happens.
I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
I just saw her punch a kid in the face.. i always knew she was the girl for me.
He stole the megaphone off an ATM then we drove around so he could tell people not to jaywalk.
Actually, you don't want to see me.. reached an all time low drinking kahlua out of the bottle concealed in a macdonalds bag
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
so at 3am I stumbled into my parents house and crawled into bed with them, I need to start dating.
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
If he comes over I probably get to fuck him and if he doesn't I don't have to pay him the $60 I owe him for weed. It's a win-win situation.
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Randomize
