He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
craigslist free llama. are you in or are you in?
Was this before or after he told that homeless man outside the bar about his past sexual experiences?
You're just mad because I look hotter in my mug shot than you do in yours
So... Sorry I threw that watermelon at you the other day. I didn't think it would break any bones.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
It's Saturday night and I'm getting shitfaced alone while reading Dino porn. Wassssuuuupppp
Nothing like waking up and watching Dr. Phil and masturbating. It's like a protein shake for the day.
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
Randomize
