dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
Just spent five minutes taking pictures of my hands for some random guy.
Thanks for reminding me why I talk about you behind your back. Get laid.
I just went in my fridge and said to my turkey "see you thursday". I seriously have issues
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
peeing off your aunts pourch into the koy pond seemed like a good idea at the time
He refused my I'm sry gift of ANAL. That's how angry he was.
I realized I'm gonna have to fit cheating on my gf, sleeping with my gf and having dinner with her parents all into one Sunday evening
Stripperoke is exactly what it sounds...
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
I unknowingly motorboated my boyfriend's ex-gf last night. Yay me!
Waking up with cheese all over my clothes and my vibrator in my pants is a sign we drank way too much tequila last night
Leaving Denver airport I just saw a group of young Republicans in matching green T-shirts that said "4/20 Baby!"
apparently ive been in a long term relationship for the past 1 1/2 years w/ out knowing
Randomize
