I hate when laundry day is determined by the number of cum stains on my bed
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
how drunk are you?
What does that even mean anymore?
i woke up to my roomate hitting me in the head with a can of PBR at 8:30 in the morning...i love spring break
You've ruined blow jobs for me. You were the motzart of sucking dick, where every other girl is like awkward elevator music
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I wasn't concerned until I realized he was using the vase my birthday flowers came in as a " big glass" for his 151 and coke.
I'm sitting in my room naked waiting for him. When he gets here im going to make him do 20 pushups and lick my clit for a hour
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Her tutu was on the floor and she wouldn't take off her crown. She kept saying you're fucking a princess!
The only reason I have clothes in my overnight bag is to cover up my sex toys.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
I feel like I'm in a astronaut outfit like I'm a spaceman & I'm just floating around cause that's all you do in space is float and I'm floating to be in detail
Houston we have a problem
so i went over to her house and we played crash bandicoot, ate calzones, and had sex all day. im in love.
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
