so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
This is awkward. You have a four minute voicemail from me. I would delete it. I accidently hit your number on speed dial and called you while I was vomiting a mai tai.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
he peed everywhere. it's like having a puppy.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
He stopped replying so I told him I got tested and it came back positive for chlamydia to see if he replied. His phone magically works again!
New discovery: pineapple flavored vodka. Life made, liver in jeopardy. Graduation t-minus 50 minutes.
you're good to come back. The bouncer pulled me aside and told me. He also said you have nothing to worry about and that you have an awesome "upper punch" or some shit
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
My boss just told me not to come back to work if I decide to drink. Challenge accepted.
I guess I'm open to more types of dick now
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
Randomize
