Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
coulda been worse. everyone in the drunk tank got free mcdonalds breakfast
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
I think im definitely allergic to shell fish. Or hungover. Probably both.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
Did you blow the guy you weren't supposed to hook up with again in the bathroom of pita pit? Cause that happened last night...
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Somehow ended up home, probably had something to do with the makeshift ladder from my second story window. Now headed to church, still drunk, and still fighting back the vomit of a thousand different alcohols. Successful night.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
I'd let you fuck my husband in the future, that's how much I love you
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
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