why am i having a flashback about somewhere we were this weekend with music videos playing? Spike jonze brothers place?? Help me out
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
Bar closing I am hiding in the bathroom. do you think anyone will find me?
Don't feel too badly. Until twenty minutes ago my paper was a heading and a pizza order.
They had some plan b on the table between the beer and the guacamole. Yeah, it's gonna be a fun party.
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
So the name of the kid from the sponsor a child comercial popped into my head while I was masturbating this morning. Needless to say I will now be now be donating out of guilt.
I had not one but two drunk coworkers text me and hit on me tonight. I feel like I've finally been accepted into my dysfunctional workplace
after all you did bang a few mechanics. you must have got some second hand skills by now for building us a go kart.
I need an inhaler full of pot for all of this breathless rage.
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
He said he loves me but he haven't eaten me out yet. So I don't think he means it.
His dick is a skeleton key. It fits everywhere.
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
