anal on a first date. tsk tsk.
I just typed my entire senior project presentation on my blackberry,
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
Mom got me cough medicine that tastes like tequila . She said she took taste tests. Best mom ever.
I'm laying in the fetal position on the floor of my kitchen eating potato salad with my fingers. Please come over with some real food and keep me company.
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
all my money is vodka money
I have never read a truer sentence.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
So I definitely tried to pay a cab with baseball tickets last night
I just blacked back in and I'm at a kids birthday party in a suit and people are calling me uncle Carl. Never having your homemade liquor again.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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