Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
How do you get a cum stain out of a trampoline?
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
Let's get really high and wear fake mustaches and try not to laugh at each other...
You were a for sure 10. You put on a traffic cone to meet someone.
He put rainforest music on before we had sex I felt like I was in the Amazon
It's a sad day when a deadly hurricane headed your way is less depressing than your relationship status.
Can't we just go back to fucking and having your boyfriend think you're completely straight?
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
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