i love my job...i have craft hour at my desk w twizzlers
can u grab me a application
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
two words...techno handjob
Apparently, there is a horrible ghonorrea out break at our school. Woo! What a way for Loyola to welcome us back.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
She was covered in mud grabbed my crotch and said see that handprint that means I called dibs
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
When she sees your dick for the first time, tell her it glows blue when orcs are close
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
You missed the winter stoner olympics last night....I got the gold in blunt rolling
You caught me at a bad time. I'm stoned enough that I'm ready to sleep but also not stoned enough that I wanna smoke again but also stoned enough to not wanna drive anywhere
Only I could turn my one night stands into class essays. Go me.
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
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