it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
She just used a chaser for red wine.
I'm inventing beer flavored vodka. This raspberry shit makes me feel like a pussy.
Well, love is in the air. And by that I mean: it seriously smells like sex in here.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
I'm at his house right now making him pancakes to compensate for YOU not giving him a handjob last night. You're welcome.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
I feel like there is something fundamentally wrong with me as a woman. My initial text to you was "What's up, fuck bucket?"
Remember when you walked in on me sleeping INSIDE a pillowcase?
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I think I might start referring to your vagina as a separate being now
I'm touching everything in your apartment with my penis.
Oh. My. God. It is NOT okay to drink Johnny Walker when there is no Jameson. My skull is eating my brain.
Randomize
