oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
Tempting. But I already used the alcohol poisoning excuse at work this month. No way he would believe it a second time...
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Also.. The Hobbit does not look like a cartoon. We were just too fucking high.
Possibly having a threesome with my ex boyfriend and his current girlfriend was great closure on that subject
Listen I just pulled white girl hair out of my underwear. This has got to stop. I was wearing pants all night.
After you puked in the bathtub you claimed you were never eating quesadillas again and you never even ate a quesadilla
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
I didn't realize how much I relied on you for a reason to drink on tuesday
I swear, I make more use of my creative writing major with sexting than I do with anything else
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
It's all fun and games until your mom recognizes your bootycall from 2018 as her attorney
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