We have sex, then he cooks. It's like a fantasy.
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
I don't know what you drank last night but you really enjoyed the 4 egg body shots.
In the library. Still drunk. Shoes missnig. Term paper due in fiften minutes. Iff I puke u think theyll throw me out?
You told the entire McDonalds staff that I was a whore and that you didn't want your french fries cooked.
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
dude. this chick is staring at me like i gave her brother herpes.
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
She said I looked exactly like my dad. Then she made out with me. Should I be questionable?
If I had 3 wishes one would for sure be a designated driver for life that gives hand jobs.
I'm not THAT invested in seeing you to an orgasm
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Trusting in Jesus is not a viable birth control plan.
I continue to impress myself. Also I'm probably pregnant
Randomize
