He finally told me that he's married. I guess it doesn't really matter.
You finger a girl once and she thinks she loves you. I'm going back to boys. Lesbians are needy.
According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
and now I know what throwing up pineapple chunks is like.
Yeah, we had those soaking in vodka for like 36 hours
outstanding.
Had a drunk dream about being in a six story taco bell. Oh my god the menu was incredibleeee
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
Using the money underagers give me to buy this semesters books.. My mom would be so proud
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
My mom has a bong in her bathroom, but no air freshener.
Brother gave me a harry potter philosophy book for xmas we need to get stoned and talk about this.
Vodka, MiraLAX and Gatorade are perfect for the night before a colonoscopy
Yea.. And you'll love me a whole lot more when I start letting my vagina make all the decisions..
Randomize
