yeah well you didnt even puke from the alcohol. we cut you off and went to huck finn's and told you that the "irish cream" coffee creamers had baileys in it, so you shot down like eight of them and puked all over the floor. it was great. we cheered you on and everything
i just remembered that i beat off next to you while we were naked and passed out next to each other after last night... No Homo
Since when do you wear a bracelet?
Not a bracelet. Half a pair of handcuffs
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
Sorry I kept grabbing your vagina at the casino. I believed it was my lucky unicorn to win bonuses
i wondered why i had so many splinters in my hand, then i went out to my car and remembered id stolen an entire cactus
You get to be the grown up. Leave a ciabatta by his face.
He wheeled me around walmart in a cart, and stole at least 30 dollars of junior mints fpr me. Best date ever.
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
My new successful method of booty calling is sending a screencap of a map with the shortest route from their location to mine highlighted.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
I used my dress as a plate for pizza rolls last night
What happened to no more shots?
It went out the window just like my dreams
Also I’m on 3%. Just Incase.. I miss you and I love you and you’re my everything and I’m getting drunk.
Can we throw a "death to my 20s" party when I turn 30?
Sure. Funeral attire and hard liquor
Randomize