My favorite part was when he stopped, looked up in the middle of performing oral sex and asked, "you did know it was Arbor Day, right?"
conquered wheelchair sex. it's rather convenient. you'd think it was made for it, with all those handles and adjustable features.
She just kept tellin me God was coming back and he was leavin her with a bag of stale doritoes and shitty friends.
ill do whatever it takes for me to get more high and eat pie
She's the only person who can pull off turning an outdoor patio heater tower into a stripper pole.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
As I fucked him you stood outside my door screaming, "I'M NOT JUDGING YOU!" over and over.
I was judging you.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
why is there a chinchilla in our apartment, and where did it come from?
question nothing. DON'T QUESTION A FREE CHINCHILLA.
Positive reinforcement! I'm training him for being a good boy and coming over. He gets sex and cookies.
I'm going to give you the best blowjob of your life. And yes you can use my mom's printer.
He uses Bing as his search engine...but he's great in bed. So obviously I'm torn.
Doesn't matter if you work at a funeral home. If the boss says get a keg, you get a keg.
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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