my mom just walked in on me furiously masturbating while reading twilight. needless to say, im officially out of the closet.
I wanna passion pit in your ass
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
This will be amazing. Plus he's going to do a line of cocaine off of the other guy's ass.
You just kept shouting "I AM AN ADULT!" until he agreed to carry you home on his shoulders.
the only way to explain how i feel is someone rolled me down a big fucking hill and then a dog came a took a huge ruthless shit in my mouth at the bottom
I'm rearranging all my life goals to become a billionaire by 28 and batman by 30. Not kidding.
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
I can't feel my tongue. And that means go. Green means go. And you know what Barney says. Green means go and woah means no. DRIIIIINKK
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Wouldn't life be so much easier if you could just walk up to attractive men and say, "Let me bear your children" and it wouldn't be creepy?
Or possibly end in a restraining order?
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
just ran into my father at CVS while buying condoms...he winked at me. I really need to move out of this town.
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
