oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
Remember when I use to call my dick 'the pendulum'
wtf?
It is now the artist formerly known as 'insideyourgirlfriend'
just stared at ed norton's ass for 26 miles. if there was ever an incentive to run a marathon, that was it. my life is perfect.
He didn't speak any English, but I think I caught the word turtle in there somewhere.
Why would he say turtle mid-fuck?
This is worse than the time I broke into Subway to steal bread.
They live so far away from me that not fucking them both would have been financially irresponsible
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I tried to explain to the cop how we all have skeletons in our closets but he just wouldn't listen.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
3pm strippers are depressing
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I love friends. Friendship is wonderful. I wish the rain was my friend
Happy 20th birthday! I hope you like anxiety and having your debit card declined at McDonald's!
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