it was a shit show
We all have our days. But yours might be on the internet.
It's never good when you wake up covered with burns
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
Why did you come into my room last night at 3am and pour monopoly money on me while you were crying?
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Last time i carry you out of a forest
I am alternating between eating dry cheerios and mint chocolate chip ice cream with a fork. Please love me because no one else will
My fall semester strategy is to submit my papers with a nude selfie
You've got post-grad studies written all over you
I'll get tired halfway through and end up passed out at a taco shack honestly
Also, McDonald's breakfast is now 24/7. This is it. This is how I die. Face first in a pile of hashbrowns.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
Dude we just exchanged Zelda related pickup lines. I fell in love at "you can blow on my ocarina"
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
