I feel like death. And death is wearing a fleece blanket as a dress. And is seriously contemplating wearing this to go get something to eat.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
We were sitting in my backseat and he just kept biting me and telling me we weren't at the zoo...
He said he wanted to have butt sex with me and curl up with me after and just be near me. Then he passed out.
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
I figured you left because I was a shit show. Were you still there when I got locked in the bathroom and didn't know where I was? If not, that could have been a dream. I'm still not sure.
Carry on my wayward bro, there'll be beer when you get low. lay your neon tank to rest, dont you rage no more.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
I rolled joints beforehand. Lit a candle. Ghetto rigged taping the 40's on my hands and then lit the joint using the flame of the candle.
I'm so proud of your modern ingenuity
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
You could sing the national anthem right before we have sex. Make it feel like a sporting event
I can't sleep. Send Llama pictures.
WHERE THE FUCK IS MY ARM DO YOU HAVE ANY IDEA HOW DIFFICULT IS IS TO TYPE WITH ONE HAND
Yea...Let's just say I gave her the best 3 and half minutes of her life then she took a 40 minute cab ride home that she paid for...
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
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