i dont think my boyfriend knows how much of a pain it is to shave my ass
found a new level of pathetic. i watched a guy pick out cigarette butts from a jar that weren't completely finished. make sure you go somewhere in life.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
I slept in bed with them the night they met. I once peed on the bride. And now I get to give a speech at their wedding. Piece of cake.
I will not remember tonight for the most part. This text will be evidence. You can and probably will use this against me.
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
It's like... Even my horoscope knows I had an awkward threesome last night.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Hey, YOU try working out drunk every night! Besides, I think at least one of those bruises is a hickey.
I feel like I hate him but his dick too bomb to hate completely
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
I didn't even get crazy off of the coke so everything's fine. Also, I think I might have killed my aunt's dog..
You know you're out of shape when you're sore after masturbating.
Randomize
