A homeless man in dtwn SF was blasting lil wayne and singing at the top of his lungs. I kinda wanted to give him my life savings
he emptied an entire bag of goldfish onto the bed and rolled around yelling the theme to jaws trying to eat them
new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
just saw someone whip out a flask during lecture... I think I found a study partner
Dude that musta been some handjob last night. The sound of her pandora bracelet kept waking me up
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
And this is the part where I need you not to judge me. Remember that I have never seen a penis do that and that I have a weird sexual curiosity
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I did it again.
I drunk texted John McCain.
She thought I was dancing but I just couldn't catch my balance for 11 blocks.
Yes be both agreed it was the worst sex in the history of fornication, so I asked him to sign the condom wrapper so I could frame it as a reminder to NEVER sleep with him again
Walk of shame through Chipotle? Check.
Hey I'm trying to get back with my ex I'mm done doing whatever we were doing I hope things workout for you
Weird flex but ok.
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