But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
I realised my life had gone downhill since being unemployed when I was making key lime pie on acid at 3am Tuesday morning.
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
His legs actually look hot in that dress. He might even make a better girl than Josh
I think I fell in love with her when I saw her kick a freshman in the chest
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
he yelled at me like a drill sergeant while I quickly tried to take off my pants
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
Who brings a stripper home to ninja turtle bed sheets
Me and I got head
Just puked in front of a high school tour group. Based on the standing ovation, we have a solid group of freshman coming in this fall.
When we got into his bed, his damn parrot started making sex noises in the other room
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