I really want to fuck my wifes sister.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
Why do I feel like I'm not the only one drinking to make my night class teacher look better?
If I don't throw up the day I graduate i'll feel like the last 4 years and thousands of dollars spent on alcohol will have been wasted.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
No The bastards made me buy a new one, They don't cover water damage an apparently they consider salsa water damage
He woke me up for a 10am bootycall. he was already drunk when he got here and when we were fucking, bagpipes started playing amazing grace outside of my window!! I love Boston on st. Patties day!!
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
She's the queen of dating. She managed to get a date with a guy who saw her puke five times in two hours.
then this guy just runs in screaming, "cant you see my daughter pissed herself???!!!" and that was the start of my 2016.
On a scale of 1 to 10 how good of an idea would it be to pregame at the airport right now
Ten
I'm hungry and horny. DEADLY COMBINATION.
i woke up half naked on someone's pool lounge chair in a house that i don't know, with someone's phone number scrawled on my stomach. why do i hang out with you again??
You just listed two reasons.
Randomize
