So when exactly did I get naked and makeout with the statue?
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Dude, she literally just asked me if her mac'n'cheese makes me horny. I think I found the one.
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
...But it's not like we would be the first people to pay for an abortion with student loans and cell phone rebates.
Pretty sure the girl next to me in Chipotle just came out to her mom.
i would have thought, that you two being my best friends, one of you would have atleast tried to catch me before i hit the ground after blacking out.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
Hey, I'm making progress. I haven't thrown up in a bar while wearing a sweater vest in almost two months.
getting busted for public urination is like, a step above j-walking. you'll be fine
Last night I said "I'm so glad you broke up with your lesbian soccer mom girlfriend" I don't remember how he reacted I just remember trying to pee in the woods
He got punched in the face last night? By who? I’ll invite him to our formal. Seriously.
Randomize
