A joint and a Nerds Rope = breakfast of champions for the unemployed
This chick, for whatever reason, has serious "Leave your wife and kids and also break up her young marriage in order to frolick for a good 2 weeks before I realize that she's just like the rest of them and I made a huge mistake and ruined a lot of lives in the process" potential. It's SO INTRIGUING.
He is an equal opportunity slut.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Now I'll never know if Megan finds a millionaire.
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
Security brought me back to our hotel room in a wheelchair last night. Vegas.
And if you ever tell anyone that I will fucking kill you.
You looked cold, so i decided to make you a blanket out of sticky notes.
Great night. I'm in the middle of explaining to her how the stock market works and she just rips my pants off and starts blowing me. Nerdiest blowjob ever.
His balls are like really small, like dog sized balls. It was a weird discovery. Ever done a guy with dog sized balls?
She could makes a perfectt roast dinner drunk but she nearly sets the kitchen alight microwaving popcorn.
The three of us were sitting silently in my dining room at 4:30 am, half drunk, eating cold spaghetti and listining to death metal. I need a fucking cigarette.
I need to be her Aladdin, and show her the world. The sex world.
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
It was a tough decision either lay in bed or go to work and lay in the stockroom
Randomize
