the sham wow guy got arrested for beating up a hooker.
I really like him. That's why I'm having sex with someone else, so he doesnt think i'm a slut.
I swear ... this hickey is a map to Amelia Earhart's whereabouts
Funny thing- my attraction to each one is inversely proportional to his level of availability.
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
For some reason, Oliver from Hannah Montana reminds me of pudding.
That's cute.
she's into porn, im staying here tonight
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Instead of sending me a picture of his dick, he sent me a drawing of it on drawsomething. This game is getting out of control.
I want him to rummage through my vagina. with unwashed hands.
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
You can't give me tequila around boys who have girlfriends. That ain't new.
He brought me a bottle of Jack, got me off 3 times, & then left. This is the best fakelationship ever!
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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