I just woke up in my closet, wearing a pink cowboy hat and a pink thong...
I want my thong back.
I hate you tequila.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
Some fat girl belted her graduation gown. That is not a good look for anyone.
Why does he only make me orgasm when I'm about to break up with him?
she's throwing things again.. almost stabbed herself in the eye with a fork.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
Dude. I'm busy doing PR for America. FOR AMERICA. Europeans think we can't handle liquor.
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
I had to switch coats with someone at work because you can see the giant sex choke bruise on my neck. Being kinky is hard.
So i know i said I'm turning over a new leaf, but i met a guy with a dick piercing. I have to sleep with him. For science.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
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