1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
I denied three guys and puked everywhere because I love you.
best googles of the semester: toe fucking, purpose of two nostrils, human tail. with pictures
You act like this is the first time i've fingered two 17 year olds at the same time
I've blown him so many times I feel like I have a better relationship with his dick than I do with him.
she's using motion activated glade air fresheners as some sort of early warning system
Don't remember shit. It was only until I saw the glaze on my forearm that I knew you drove to get donuts last night. I also spent 20$ there apparently
I'm about to do the walk of shame in a christmas onesie. What would I do without christmas sweater party season?
Take a good hard look at your life. And the number of 18-20 year olds that you have made out with in the last 6 months... and then keep doing whatever the fuck you want.
I asked him if we could hang out sometime when we weren't hammered. He said he'd email me his number... that's when I knew I was going to die alone
Theres a point where you stop and say hey....as high as I am on LSD right now ...I`m just a man covered in paint
Hey my vagina is like a company. Everyone has an equal opportunity....
A million fucking miles away, and the sun still manages to fuck my hungover mornings up.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
Randomize
