im too high. i could barely wash my hair, let alone handle a whole shower
Just spent 45mins blow drying a joint i dropped in a beer....i felt like i dropped his infant child....
You should have seen her outfit yesterday. It was like pretty woman before Richard Gere gave her money to buy a new outfit.
Eating doritas dunked in queso con salas. Salllas. Salska. Salsa. Got it. Shhiitt. Salsa con queso. That's better. I'm hot pink socks.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
OK am i seriously the only one who thinks Cocaine Tuesdays is a bad idea?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
Just saw you in traffic. You may have noticed me, I was the corpse driving the white car.
Everyone was passed out so I turned off the lights and locked all the doors. I also took the chicken sandwich in the microwave as payment.
I'm going as your incestuous sister. If thats not the perfect winglady I don't know what is.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
i'd like to schedule a penis for 4pm please.
Were we still high when we decided to break your leg?
Randomize
