and then I told her I was too drunk. She started to cry, and told me this always happens to her and that she thinks shes ugly. I pretended I was asleep and then she farted.
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
It's a hurricane, not a zombie apocalypse. WHY DID YOU BUY SHOTGUNS?!?!
So apparently blacked out me judges a man based on what type of dinosaur he would be...
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
Randomize
