this kid just came up to me and asked me if i wanted to play truth or aids with him and his friends. i'm in
Dan is more possessive of me than a Michael Jackson is of McCully Caulkin
was*
True, R.I.P.
I love how all the girls on the plan b commercial wake up alone.. Like me
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
Truth be told I was googling "why is my left calf bigger than my right calf", porn would've been a better excuse for a virus.
I don't think I'd trust a marching band with trampolines to not cause serious damage to themselves/ property.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I put you to bed and you would not go unless I let you sleep with the vodka
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
So I'm hiding in my bathroom smoking bowls because my landlords kids came over to visit my dog... My life has reached a new low
Doing shots with my high school valedictorian. Bucket list
God damn. You sleep with one 40 year old married dude and suddenly you have “daddy issues”. Fuck all of you.
How is there a hawk inside this house? More importantly how the hell is he handling it without any gear?
Randomize
