I am looking at the epitome of fake boobs right now
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
DDing is such a bittersweet job, just got the entire history of this girls hookup career
After I gave him a handjob for a half an hour he told me I should be a taxidermist. I'm gonna take it as a compliment.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
When you turn your data bak on you're gonna get a pic of a nipple but it's not mine
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
I'm home alone drinking wine, so high, scrubbing my house down... This is what my thirsty thursday has become
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
because. if I can't sit outside naked and eat my watermelon every morning then I really don't see the point in moving in with you.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I hope dressing like a sexy, but very grown up and intelligent, secretary while out shopping helps disguise how high I am right now.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I feel like everything in my life has been preparing me for my future sex robot experience
You’re so close!!!
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