Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Still can't believe they give people like us a drivers license and college degree.
We need you. We already made it on global news and are drunk at the election party.
There two guys dressed as FEMA workers with jump-suits that say "Post-Disaster Breast Examination Division"
Just found a condom on my floor from last weekend. 2/2. The scavenger hunt is over.
you were crying saying "if you love me you will find me a loaf of bread"
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
I'm actually pinning crap for Friendsgiving like a boss right now. These bitches better show up.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
I would've fucked Winston Churchill - rode that D like I was going into battle.
The vodka gummy bears are so strong. If I die of alcohol poisoning, please tell my dad it was single malt scotch.
Put viagra in his coffee. I did that with Geoff last month and three hours later I had bitten through a throw pillow and gotten a noise complaint from a neighbor
You’re not his type
I’ve got blonde hair and great tits. I’m every man’s type
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