you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Just tried to tap morse code on the wall seperating our beds to tell you I was awake and ready to smoke
just bailed mom out of jail. Tell me i'm not the favorite child
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
Ps I don't think it counts as being open minded if you didn't know he was missing a leg until you had already started making out.
If my thighs hurt from cage dancing last night, I can only imagine how yours feel
I would never do this in real life. It's only college.
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
I think the last straw was when you put on ice skates to go across the waxed wooden floor.
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
When have we listened to the rational side of either of us?!
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
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