hide the guitars, Nate just learned to play free fallin'
I didn't talk to you tonight because I've decided you look like a man.
I mean i stumbled out of the club yelling at random people" I"M GOING TO TEACH YOUR KIDS SOMEDAY!!"
And thats what homeschooling is for
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
I know. They started calling me The Incident. The hotel maids, that is.
Say hello to your nephew Sir Isaac Meriwether van Catsworth
I'm going to have to start taking your phone after ten. That's when all the cat pictures come
I can't let him end my perfect streak. HE USED TO BE FAT
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
I got head this morning from the 31-year-old version of Jenn. It was like a blow job from the future while a simultaneous blast from the past for 10 minutes.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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