god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
why do cheetos always look like penises
he told me it was a naked video of him so i opened it. i just got rickrolled while sexting
Maybe we should try and tone it down a notch. The neighbors changed the name of their wifi network to "i can hear you having sex".
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
We've shared an experience, my friend. I, too, have talked on the phone with a parent while giving a handjob
I might have been fine if i had magic teleportation powers and could have skipped the car ride between bar and home
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
when you come home i just want to let you know we are cats now. and we are out of eggs.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
did he think i wouldnt notice the naked girl in the backseat
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
