I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
i came out of the bathroom and he had christmas lights wrapped up his leg, around his boner, and down the other side
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
high. he's playing 'oops i did it again' on the ukelele. is this real life?
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
If this outfit doesn't get me pregnant tonight I don't know what will...
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
you know you've had too much sex when your vagina hurts when you laugh
You know it's a good weekend when you wake up on Sunday questioning your sexuality.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
Desperation looks like a $1 bottle of vodka and warm Cuban tap water.
This summer has already been like the best summer ever. FREEDOM IS AWESOME. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND GOD BLESS THE SINGLE LIFE.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
Randomize
