I like how you refer to peeing in the car as "super cute"
Waitress cut us off at Chili's bar. New low
he was terrible at kissing, so i just kept letting him motorboat me. he seemed very pleased with my choice
I wish I still had pics from the prostitute I paid/dated
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
I might lose an organ but I've got booze. I'll be fine.
Look, I said I'm sorry. In the shower, "are you happy to see me" sounded just like "could you please pee on me". Honest mistake.
Did you mean to cry when you finished last night? Or were you just that drunk?
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
I just blew my weed a kiss
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
Life without a bra equals bliss.
how did i manage to wake up with my bra on backwards?
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
