At least we don't have one night stands
True that. We sink our claws in our men.
i just made a girl do the walk of shame. as a bumblebee. i love halloween.
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
Hey I have to teach you how to run in heels before vegas
I am the poster child for what not to do during sex. Soon they will be calling an undesired position after me
just to let you know, its not cheating if i cant feel my hands.
Nothing like a $37 iTunes bill. Jesus Christ do you know how many $2 beer/shot specials that is??? The answer is 16. 16 beer/shot specials.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Pack light, we're going straight to bar from the train. No place to put our shit.
Dude all I'm bringing is my dick and a phone charger.
Forgot to tell you--the bartender at Crowbar set his arm on fire last night. He was doing this "Cocktail" bartender trick of pouring alcohol that was on fire between glasses. Then some leaked out, onto his arm, and set his arm on fire, then his shirt. Exciting! (And he's ok).
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
