You know how britney does the hair flip too much in her new videos? Thats me right now
Im wearin a dollar bill hat and tgkin a big girl home. Lifi is gmwnd
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
there is potential here for me to have a consistent access to someone's dick who isn't actually an asshole. i think i'm ready for a relationship.
Just woke up with a blunt in each nostril and a lighter duct taped to my chest...good lookin out
I just had a flash of memory of me asking all of the girls if they were on their periods. If they said yes I said it made us moon sisters.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
btw my ex came by last night and saw the pregnancy test intructions. awkwarrrrd.......
Pretty sure when I woke up the next morning we were still fucking. It just didn't stop.
I'm not even the least bit surprised that I whored myself out for tiramisu
Just don't have sex while watching Home Alone. It will ruin Christmas for you.
If I hear you use the phrase "silky soft scrotum" one more time I swear to God you'll regret it
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize
