You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
It's sad the highlight of the night was you didn't electrocute yourself again.
For the record, saying you're friends with the owner doesn't work when the owner is the one throwing you out.
he had me stop mid-blow job to make me use my phone to id a song on the radio..
i wasnt really sure how to responde to that.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
He leaned off the deck, puked a waterfall of beer, looked back at everyone and said "it was just a burp".
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
A guy in a gorilla mask got blown on the lawn. And then the night got weird.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Come on in. I'm butt naked, in the kitchen, eating ice pops
I got home and he was wearing a suit. He said he reason was because it was shirt and tie Saturday and that he won't change until midnight. He then proceeded to answer the door in a British accent.
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
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