It was my birthday today and i decided that i am not checking my notifications on facebook so ill feel popular
Wrong number and your a loser
I think its only fitting my first purchase with my student loan is a glass pipe? I think ill name it 'Subsidized'
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
is it mean that i live tweeted about whether or not my roommate and her bf were having sex or were wrestling?
Note to self: Do not bring gift bag with cock ring inside to family Christmas. Leave to unwrap at home.
I just debated creating a mirror system so I could play Batman while in the bathroom. I think I need help.
I already knew that. But I also don't agree with stifling creativity.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Its been 4 years since I have masturbated this hard. God bless the Olympics!
the manly guy you want to date so badly? he's at the club. as a drag queen. wearing higher heels than you own. think about that.
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
The text I got from my boyfriend this morning: "babe, I'm not mad because I know you were drunk, but you kissed 3 guys last night and I wasn't one of them".
Randomize
