Not only is chick snoring like a 48 year old man but she's farting in rhythm
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
it's official, i've been high in 26 different states, and three different countries.
Hillary is trying to make pickle pops with vodka and sell them to kids at the ball park.
I'm so in the Halloween spirit, I zombified my all of my nudes on my phone. Tell me this isn't creative.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Fighting the urge to throw up all over my little brothers jr high basketball bench. Welcome home aaron
Seriously you've eaten pizza pockets for every meal for the past 4 days
Well to be fair I wasn't alive for breakfast 2 out of 4 days
Oh Julie took your pants off last night, I put your pajama bottoms on, and Rachel took your bra off. It takes a village.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
you know you're in deep when you watch fear and loathing in las vegas and every damn scene is relatable.
so then the cop took one last hit off our blunt and then drove off in his car and we just all stood there thinking, yea... that just happened...
I cant believe you bit her ass cheek, she must have been really weirded out.
yeah so we made out to make it less awkward
So turns out my new assistant isn't really my assistant. The owner needed a title for his FWB so his wife wouldn't catch on. I got a three hundred a month credit limit boost on my corporate credit card instead.
we had to take 10 shots sometime before midnight, then 11 shots between midnight and 1. so yes its gonna be a rough day.
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