haha i think we're both just down to be fuck buddies..but i do have a hickey and a bit of a big lip and fucking burns on my knees..note to self hooking up on a golf course is NOT that exciting
he wanted me to dress up like someone from lord of the rings. I dumped him.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
Just found out for my occult lit class (history of cults) final project is making a spellbook. Hello last term of college.
she pinky promised me she was 18
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
So it's national ass day?! I love October. No bra last Saturday and now ass day. This is my month. God is dedicating this October to me!
The sound of my own breathing is making my head throb. That hungover.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
is leaving the club to fk in his friends van subtle?
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
I came home with 30lbs of BBQ last night. I can't pick up women in a bar but I sure can pick up leftovers from a corporate party.
She was blacked out on the couch MASTURBATING and whispering to her boyfriend...who wasn't there. I yelled her name and she didn't even pause.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
Randomize
