also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
First date. He's wearing a tuxedo shirt and keeps asking me about our future children. Escape plan #3 is now in action...
Seriously just heard: "we need some good ass wine. how bout this swa-vig-non blank"
hahahaha. Oh virginia: where the south begins
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
Holy christ fuck what has my trainwreck of a life come to just blew a 17 year old so help me god
she tried strangling devon with the garden hose. pretty sure they're broken up
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
I woke up naked, with the lights on, using my backpack as a pillow and a pillow as a blanket.
I wish dancing around my house in my bra and underwear to Love Shack whilst eating strawberry cake batter was an acceptable form of exercise.
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
So you just held his hand and he fucking came...?
Stop trying to get me to choose vodka over a nap
Tanner. All u drink. 10 bckaa. Locked in Porto potty outside. Constructed area. Main strrrreeeett. Fuck. Help. Pleese
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Randomize
