Sooo... I woke up in the shower this morning. It was on.
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
I am literally hand feeding my crying ex boyfriend taco bell. What has my life become?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
We're having play-off hate sex for a sport I don't even understand. Go USA!
I decided taking Molly and seeing Birdman seemed like a wise life choice.
You came home screaming the lyrics to Drunk in love, and dumped wine on me when I said you would never be Beyoncé
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
Randomize
