I did something stupid with eggs call me when you get up. Cops were also involved.
he told me it was because of the roids, but i couldn't tell if he meant ster or hem.
Wait, how do girls masturbate?
I dunno we use shower heads I guess.
..how does it fit?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Yeah. Fortunately, the road to Hell is paved with naked 21 year old girls.
Which beats the fuck out of good intentions.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
Moment of the night: you were impatient while I paid for the tequila shots and proceeded to lick and salt MY hand for me. This is why we're roommates.
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I feel like the only way to get him to stop is by telling him i'm tired from fucking our other friend every night this week
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
I'm so hung over that I'm pretty sure I can feel the earth's rotations when I close my eyes.
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
Randomize
