38 yer olds are good kisserssss
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
I just saw a girl licking a cheeseburger wrapper. dont ever let me get that fat
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
His best friend's cat died so we had a drunken burial ceremony on the side of his condo at 2am and I'm pretty sure if anyone gets ahold of the video feed from Martini Monday we're all fired.
Her boobs take up a lot of room so God had to skimp on the brains
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
btw im having a "its finally warm enough for a bbq in Toronto" party tonight. bring all the alcohol you have. and hamburger buns.
I'm going to teach Troy such valuable life lessons. Yesterday I told him to stay away from girls who drink redbull and vodkas.
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
Let's go buy marshmallows and play chubby bunny until we feel alive again
Right. He was like "I'll be here all night if I have to..." I was like "Well then, I'll have to call the cops..."
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
My brain is a dvd screensaver and I'm allowed to have a good thought when it hits the corner
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