i was just outside smoking and i saw a hooker sing "i wish i knew who your daddy was" to her new born baby. someone explain to me why i ever left chicago to go to college...
Being pregnant is so damn inconvenient for my sex life.
whatever sunny in Philadelphia does on Thursday nights, I'm doing all weekend.
you mean i was at the winter classic?
she asked me if i wanted her to take her wedding ring off while she was giving me a handjob.
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
Besides. I seriously had a dream that George W Bush came over and slapped some tabs down on my kitchen counter and said "let's get juiced.". It was a sign to not get too fucked up
His wife made me pancakes and let me borrow a clean shirt. Should I drop his class or use this to my advantage
I just face planted on a condom wrapper in my bed...thought of you.
You're so romantic.
I knew it was a bad night when the only thing I could remember was you force feeding me tortilla chips as I hugged the tire of my car and begged to have my stomach pumped.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I admit it could have gone better but look at it this way, since I broke the urn you don't have to worry about spreading the ashes.
Randomize
