i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
I would just like you to know that the guy I blew off last weekend to come find ur drunk ass just got drafted into the major leagues.
Moment of silence for the loss of that option.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
You guys don't happened to be dressed as gladiators, do you?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I just baptized the girl next to me. LONG LIVE THE CHURCH OF VODKA
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
We HAVE another bedroom, it's not like I was gunna chain you into the closet. Often.
He is dating a girl who is on the Olympic shooting team...I've never been so scared to hit on a guy with a girlfriend in my entire life.
who was i chillin with last night? i woke up in a storage unit
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
You told me you were trying to learn all the MLB ballparks while you waited for your porn to load.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
