you ever get that eerie feeling when you walk in a room, when you know youve barfed here before.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
I legit just woke up on my couch, snuggled up next to some guy who's wearing my roommate's pink bathroble. What the fuck do they put in those shots?
we aren't going to have kids. there's a 50% chance that they would look like him. not worth the risk
I ended up with bruises on the back of my knees. Tell me again how I did this?
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I can't wait to see you again...not a euphemism, just really looking forward to seeing you. Wanting to fuck you as often as possible just seems implied at this point.
Why is your solution always to masturbate
Because it usually works
Although now I have "number of cheese slices" as a unit of boob measurement in my head.
Sometimes I look at her and just start choking. She is that much of an evil entity.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
