I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
he called to tell me the scratches were still on his back. this was in the summer.. still the best hookup
my mothers day present is going to be not puking at the table during brunch
Last night I ate parmesan cheese straight out of the container while watching Chelsea Lately. Look at what happens to me when you leave.
Once again there IS no outside bathroom. Never has been, that is the balcony
just found a bag of Oreos in my purse labeled "emergency".
Pretty sure encouraging you to sleep with 2 different girls while keeping you in the good graces of both has lost me the ability to call myself a woman. But that's just the kind of friend I am; dedicated.
One good thing about being really drunk when you go out to dinner is that the leftovers are a surprise. These quesadillas had shrimp in them! Who knew?
I FINALLY GET TO MASTURBATE. SO EXCITED.
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
We should buy t shirt guns and blow eggs out of them at his house. Bachelorette party
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
All I want is some guy to eat me out while I work on grad school things then go on his way
Me too...I'm driving to work trying to figure out if I put my pants on the right way.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Randomize
