the only reason I knew his name is because half way through I looked up and it was tatooed on his chest.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
she went to her friend's wedding and caught the bouquet. as the unwilling rebound, can i run away now?
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I've seen people win free drinks for a lot less dude, no need to drop trou on a piano.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
Who the fuck watches Jessica jones and thinks I need to call a past fling?
One time she showed me her pierced nipples in our high school locker room and now she has a daughter
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
I'm like a camel in the desert in a black hole I'm so thirsty.
You know it's a good May 2-4 when it involves 14 straight hours of vodka slush and garlic bread
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