he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
apparently i'm really good at getting wasted, having sex all night, getting multiple hickeys and oversleeping father's day brunch. this is the third year its happened.
just heard this guy tell a story about how he got boat head. i want his life
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
she chased the tour bus screaming I BET YOUR DICK IS THE SIZE OF YOUR MICROPHONE STAND. i think its safe to say were never getting vip passes again.
They woke me up at 6am and made me drink a bottle pf champagne yelling "champagne breakfast!"
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
no drinking for a week
if by week you mean tonight and by no you means yes
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Please remind me tomorrow that I ate a loaf of jimmy johns bread on the toilet 5 mins ago
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
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