census says that i am hotter than the girl you just left with...sad for you
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I'd love to come and give you a massage, but we already duck taped my keys to the ceiling...
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
We drove around last night shotting fireworks out the window while they had sex in the back of his car
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Why is my fridge empty save for a basketball???
when the repo soundtrack came on in the middle of us having sex i realized it was about time that i clear out my itunes library
Yeah well you try taking nice pictures while you have pizza crust lodged in your throat
St. Patrick's day can kiss my ass. Still hungover. I guess I showed up at my gym blacked out yesterday morning. Like im not missing a gym day b
She acted like falling "up" the stairs was a fucking physics phenomenon. I call that Tuesday nights.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
I burned my tit while he banged me and it was still the best kitchen sex EVER!!!
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