Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
mike has just informed me of all the things he would put in his pussy if he was a woman. this includes door stops, power drills & g.i. joes.
"and then my dad would be all like 'hey mike, where's the remote?'"
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
in case you were wondering, even a BJ under a blanket on the back of a bus only lifts a 14-hour bus ride to borderline tolerable.
I would have done it. But then again I am a starving student who can manipulate my brain into thinking my decision was somehow morally justifiable.
U thinks that's bad? He told me that he had to envision high school wrestling in order to bust a nut with some girl
drinking vodka, listening 2 smh at 530am slow cooking beef stew. you'll enjoy the stew and worry abt me in the morning. bon apatite
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
He just asked me to be his girlfriend while having sex on his parents kitchen counter
We both know we're cheating on one another. But our side pieces aren't as kinky as us...so yeah, we're still together. This is a fucked up relationship.
Wait you actually sent a text to your self saying “love you I miss you"?
In the words of Disney’s Jafar, “desperate times call for desperate measures.”
Randomize
