dude smells like cheese burgers and loose women...... i want his life
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
Please come pick me up? I sleep walked to planned parenthood again.
Ok love is a little strong. But he consented to Nachos, beer and board game date with my cats. Keeper.
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
Yelling drunk tank or bust at a cop, not a good idea
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
He was leaving the restaurant I was going to as I was parking. I didn't want to scream, "hey, didn't I jerk you off?" Out of my window at 10 am
I just got offered money for pictures of my boobs
I accepted the offer
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
She unfriended me four minutes after we fucked. That must be some sort of record.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face
I guess the weekly d&d orgies are treating you well
Randomize
