First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
when i told him i was pregnant with his baby he texted me 'congradulations'
i pity the fetus.
Ur just texting me random shit. That's what Twitter is for
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
So my professor just changed my Final to 7:45am on May 6th. Shouldn't a Spanish professor understand the implications of Cinco de Mayo???
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
There's cereal in my underwear. Was I in your apartment at any time last night? That's the only logical explanation for this.
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
Now that I've quit blow, I think I'm allergic to my cat....
He's driving 2 hours to visit me and he's bringing weed. I love him so much.
My life is pants optional.
Randomize
