So, after having sex with my 4th overweight girl in 2 weeks, I've decided Charlie Sheen syndrome is ruining my life.
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
Walking down the street trying to find the pants I had on last night
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
I'd like to request an "its my birthday discount", and for you to bartend shirtless tonight ;)
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
They took the TVs out of the gym and the mini-Mart only had 2% milk. 2015 wants me to be fat
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I puked on her cat, I think I should at least buy her breakfast
Is talking to an iron man poster a good or bad indicator that you've been drinking too much?
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
