Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
she complimented my bra when we were hooking up. this lesbian thing has its upsides
On a scale of "impaired judgement" to "Mel Gibson," how drunk are you?
Toaster
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
You passed out across the stairs with your feet and arms through the railings so you "wouldn't fall down when you blacked out and no one could get the pizza past you without waking you up". \n\nYou're the smartest drunk I know.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
EARTHQUAKE STATUS DRINKING GAME
So I am watching ghostbusters and I realized Rick moranis is basically in the friends zone than he turns into the key master bangs her and it leads to the end of the world...maybe there is a reason people are in the friend zone
Ur wingman ability is causing serious doubt
Ok first off its WAY easier if you are actually here
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
Congrats! Its a fuck boy!
it's like he didn't even know what a vagina was
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
