i fell asleep last night with fifteen animal crackers in my mouth. rock bottom dude.
Are u religion class? I'm on my way, I have cum in my hair. tell u later.
finally nailed that neighbor chick. hopefully i can get her wireless password now. free internet trumps moral standards any day
I mean I'm basically single. Or maybe just an asshole. Either way.
he asked if he could put his cape on while he was still inside me.
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
Best morning ever. I saw a bum giving another bum a blowjob downtown.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
what is the most politically correct way to ask if he still hangs out with the guy that has blue hair and make meth in his car?
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Best part: she drunkenly told me I'm dangerous then slurred to my parents that I should watch out in case I fall in love with her. Then she mounted a pinata
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
He yearns for your heart.
He needs to stop being a pussy about it.
Omg. Tonight might be the night I masturbate thinking of a smoothie!
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