Fyi I let myself into your place, I'm wearing some of your clothes in your bed. Come take them off
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
1 stripper is 160/hr. 2 strippers is 280/hr. it would be fiscaly irresponsible to only get one.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
He somehow managed to accomplish karate kicking a door down, cockblocking my friend in the room, and writing "tits" all over the house with a blue sharpie.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
New justification for blow: drug week; 'how it's made'
My masturbation fantasy just had a wedding theme. I need new hobbies.
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Hey, met you at the bar last night. You probably dont remember my name. You and your friends came back to my place, you shattered my window with your fist then dipped. Your gonna need to pay for that.
Thats where this cut came from! Thanks for piecing together the puzzle dude.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
I walked outside and found some random guy passed out on our front porch. We managed to acquire the 12 pack of lagers he had so it's all good.
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
Randomize