You go to school with some of the ugliest girls I've ever seen... How are you not getting laid?
Is it too early to start a donation jar for my 4th of july hospital bills?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
They were arguing about who would hit the piñata first so naturally you tore it open with your hands. You broke the piñata and their hearts.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
LOOK, I was 19, and I made a lot of choices with my crotch which I'm weirdly proud of
Yes dear.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
Who knew she had talents apart from chugging wine spritzers
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Apparently I drunkenly told him I was going to ride him to the rodeo and break him like a bronco, then I stole his nachos and beer. Adulting is hard!!!
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
